So tonight sees NBC’s Peter Pan Live and I for one could not be more excited. I would love to live blog it but I am not that technologically savvy. So instead I’m providing you with the official Crying In Ubers Drinking Game for the live musical event. I’ll be partaking solo with a bottle of wine. Since most drinking games are not meant for friendless alcoholics like me, I had to slightly alter existing games to be fit for one, but the #CryinginUbersPeterPan (Long hashtag I know… #CiUPeterPan? #drinkinginubers? #PeterPaninUbers?) drinking game is a combo from those found at Billboard, E!, and Decider. I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow! Have fun Criers!!
Take One Sip When:
– You shamefully think to yourself, “Is it just me, or is that Lost Boy really attractive?”
– Nana The Dog barks/moves at the wrong time OMG are they really using a real dog? Thinking about putting Marley into show business…he’d literally be terrible, but would get drinking game players freaking wasted
– Something happens that makes you think, “This is all clearly designed for children. What am I doing?” In all fairness, this happens to me on the reg.
– There’s an awkwardly placed commercial break
– You think Allison Williams may be too tall to be Peter YES….I will take one large sip for this one at the beginning….I have been complaining about this since she was cast! The whole point of a female Peter is to be small enough to be lifted by wires! Also she looks like she’s 30….Peter Pan has clearly ‘grown up’… yes, you. Like did no one consider Miley? At least she has the hair…?
– Someone says/sings the words “grow up”
-Any time Captain Hook tap-dances
-Any time a line is flubbed
-Any time Smee does something that could be described as being “classic Smee!” As of now, I don’t know what classifies as “classic Smee!” but I have a feeling a few minutes and sips in, I sure will
-Any time Minnie Driver narrates something and you suddenly remember Minnie Driver is the narrator. Oy.
Take Two Sips When:
– Anyone is flying
– You feel compelled to sing
– Any time you wonder if you should just watch Hook instead I’ve never seen Hook, that’s an issue, right? Like what was up with my childhood? I’m deferring the blame on this one to mom and dad. I have seen Jumanji plenty of times though….that’s the same, right?
– You “think lovely thoughts”
– There’s a costume or set piece mishap
-Every time Christopher Walken pauses between a line
-Every time you want to “pour one out” for Robin Williams Hahahahahaha like I would EVER waste my wine. But seriously, RIP. This makes me too sad to think about.
Take Three Sips When:
– You spy a multi-colored crocodile
– Someone you’re watching with references Christopher Walken’s singing in Hairspray I’m never not thinking about Christopher Walken in Hairspray so this one will be hard…
– You decide, what the hell, you believe in fairies, too
-Any time Allison Williams looks scared
-Any time Tiger Lily or one of the Indians does something “problematic” See Coachella post on Kardashians in headdresses
-Any time Captain Hook’s hat falls off
-Any time Captain Hook’s hook falls off #tbt to the time I played Lumière in Beauty and the Beast and one of my candlesticks fell off my hand during Mrs. Potts’ big moving moment singing the titular song
-Any time a lost boy or a pirate trips
Chug like a boss:
-Every time you question the choice of fishnets on Peter’s sleeves
-Every time you or someone else screams out “yarrr!” like a pirate Well, this bottle’s gonna go by quickly
– Any time you question the sexual tension between Peter and Captain Hook
-Any time a wire breaks
-Any time Allison Williams’ lips look tired from maintaining a British accent
-Any time you wonder, “Did they do that on purpose?”
Please drink, sing and dance responsibly. To a night soon forgotten.