Keeping Up With Jesus

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Ahh Easter, my favorite holiday. Yes, in the past 5 years, this jew has been to church on Easter 4 times, and temple…well let’s just say not that many times. And while I had to miss out on my baskets of candy and toys this year, the Easter Bunny did bring a present in the form of another edition of The Kardashians Doing Nothing Is News! Yes the Kardashian-Jenner-West-I don’t give a fuck outing to church is plastered all over the internet, and it’s all about the fashion. Duh 

While the range is clearly Klassic and Appropriate Kourtney to Kompletely Inappropriate Kendall, let’s start with some middle ground.

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The Kardashian-Wests. For someone who’s lately completely naked, completely covered, or some weird combination of the two, Kimmy seems very appropriate. I don’t know what the policy on shoulders is in non-Catholic church but regardless…. well done Kim. Kanye…..is Kanye even allowed in a church? I mean, Yeezus (I know he semi-explained that one), I Am A God, plus this little cover? Isn’t the second commandment all about having no other Gods and not worshipping false idols? I’m just saying, like everyone steals and cheats and disobeys their parents sometimes, but those are pretty big ones to fuck with. Yeezus’ ripped t-shirt and jeans seem a little inappropriate but look what else he’s getting away with….if I were him I wouldn’t be respectful towards God either. As for North, it seems like her dress is not as crisp a white as Mommy and Daddy’s outfits and I have to say I really expected better.

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Before I get to Miss Kendall, let’s just see if there’s anything else we need to discuss. Kourt clearly didn’t care about the white memo and I love it. She looks wonderful. And thankfully they didn’t drag resident Jew Scott to church, although it really is a shame because I’d have loved to see him in a nice seersucker suit. Kris looks unusually appropriate. And I don’t even know where all these other men are coming from but apparently one is Kris’ bf and one is Kylie‘s even though they’re about the same age. (Yes, the one with the kid is 17 year-old Kylie’s man). Khloe‘s outfit is wayyyy to tight, which given the amount of weight she’s lost recently means she went out and got a whole new wardrobe that’s 2 sizes too small for her at her thinnest.

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Kendall Kendall Kendall.

Don’t get me wrong, I love this outfit. Like love. It’s everything. The problem is not the wear it’s the where. I know as a model she has a responsibility to be fashion forward but there’s a more appropriate way. This isn’t just midriff, there’s belly button showing! I mean if Taylor Swift wouldn’t wear it, it’s probably not church appropriate. And while anywhere else I’d see that as a chic halter, on the holiest day of the year I see it as a boob strap. Come on you can do better! You would have been better off with a Jesus is my Homeboy T-shirt. I was going to do a list of the only 5 things less appropriate than Kendall’s outfit or 5 things surprisingly more appropriate for Easter services than Kendall’s outfit but that seems like a lot of work to make fun of an outfit I really like. But as a wise man* once said, You don’t respect my religion? I don’t respect your outfit.

 

*Scott Disick

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